


Late night reflection

by a_lost_child



Series: Shizaya Headcanons [3]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Fluff, I suck at tags, IDK OK, Insecurity, Internal Monologue, Kinda, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, Shizaya - Freeform, i guess, its kinda cute and kinda angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23133898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_lost_child/pseuds/a_lost_child
Summary: Izaya getting insecure and angsty at night, Shizuo tries his best to comfort him? Mostly Izaya freaking out tho. For the tumblr hcs from long ago.Sorry I still suck at summaries please just read-
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: Shizaya Headcanons [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1276631
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	Late night reflection

**Author's Note:**

> For @alessakagamine on tumblr

There they were again, staring at him, inspecting his form, the dim light of the room causing the orbs to appear more crimson than the daylight ever would. Eyes that have been laid on many, but rarely did they ever show the truth, secrets hiding behind the glassy walls that were built a long time ago. Cold and without mercy for most, a fog of mischief constantly surrounding them, those eyes of his that now blankly looked at him. Having become so unfamiliar with his own person, a stranger to himself and others, he would forget that what held him captive was the old mirror in front of him. Just what was it he was doing here, he asked himself yet again, feeling how the chill of those devilish eyes wanted to spread further and urge him to just up and leave it all behind. 

Orihara Izaya was well known for a variety of things, be it his business, his charismatic nature or the endless list of trouble he had caused many, but especially one individual in particular. The very one whose bathroom he was currently standing in, the one whose mirror was dangling from the tiled wall and so shamelessly exposing him to his own judgmental eyes, making him question if his motives really were as genuine as they seemed to be. After everything how could he trust himself any more, how could he be sure that he wasn’t playing himself the same way he would a stranger? Either way made no sense whenever those tainted eyes would stare at him, he would have known if this was anything but genuine and still the feeling of it all being fake would keep lingering in the darkest parts of his mind. It shouldn’t matter, he tried to make himself believe, as long as there was a meaning, whatever that might be, he shouldn’t feel this way. Those eyes shouldn’t look at him the way they did, like poisoned arrows piercing through his lithe form, shivers vibrating through him and his muscles tensing for a reason so obvious. 

Yes, the mysterious information broker truly was known for a lot, breathing heavily to not let his thoughts get the better of him, and pull him into places too dark for even Izaya to go to willingly, was certainly not one of the traits that got him to where he was now…well, in a more literal meaning, they probably did. If it wasn’t for these unknown sensations and the endless stream of images flowing through his mind, he would likely be someplace else. His hands wouldn’t be resting against the cold porcelain of the basin, clutching the edge a bit tighter than he wanted to admit, raven hair falling into his face to just barely cover the haunting stare, but enough to make the crimson fade into a darker, warmer tone.

‘Just when did I become so pathetic, as if the beast would even be able to feel something like that…’

With a sigh the wordless whispers subsided, the increased thumping of his heart creating a deafening melody accompanied by the blood rushing through his veins, the usually energetic male let his body fall into a state of exhaustion instead. How long has it been since he entered this room? Since he ran away from a situation he should be used to by now, but couldn’t bring himself to encounter without any preparation still. His doubts creeping up from the shadows every time, bringing back those long forgotten thoughts and realities he had abandoned. He was Orihara Izaya after all, a powerful influence in this city, someone like him could not show how vulnerable he truly was, or rather, he would not acknowledge this feeling of vulnerability. If he just told himself that often enough, maybe one day he would actually be able to believe that the mask he had created was his true self. 

‘He always hated me, why would that ever change? Things like that don’t change…they don’t ever change…’ 

A pleasantly cold hand supporting his head by now, he allowed his eyes to fall shut as a deep breath just further stirred the restlessness he felt. The smooth surface under his other palm doing little to soothe him anymore as fingers started tapping in a quick rhythm, lungs still filled with air until his lips parted for a groan-like sound of pure exhaustion. It was way too late to continue letting such primitive emotions get the better of him, insomnia has always been a well known burden to him, his work however profited greatly from it, this on the other hand was not something the information broker was used to dealing with. Straightening up with eyes kept closed a hand quickly reached for the water tap, letting the cooling liquid fill his palms before lifting them to wash all the worries from his face, worries way too honest for him to show so openly.

“You done, flea?” The warm voice sounded from behind him, a glance to his back showing its owner leisurely resting against the doorframe, causing the raven to stop his actions for a second before he was able to take his eyes off the man that was reason for this predicament he found himself in. A shirt and sweatpants covering his form, truly a sight that would bring forth a chuckle ever so often from his lips, being used to seeing the other in more formal attire. It may have not been a laugh this time, but a smile was tugging at the corner of his lips nonetheless as he quickly dried his face, fingers running through his raven hair, pulling at the strands that didn’t seem as in place as they did before anymore. “Come on, we’re going to bed not a fancy dinner, your hair is fine as it is.”

Admittedly taken aback by the commentary of his partner, Izaya decided to turn towards him with a raised brow, hands falling back onto porcelain as he inspected the blonde, a sly smirk soon finding its way back onto his features. “Unpredictable as ever, Shizu-chan, and here I was thinking that I’m supposed to be the one watching others?” His voice not sounding quite as confident as intended for the first few syllables, after adjusting his tone a little luckily the shiver disappear from his words and was replaced by a smoother undertone. He didn’t enjoy letting his exhaustion show, but settling for sounding tired still seemed better than the alternative. 

The slow approach he was greeted with however pulling at just the right strings to throw him off again, it was at times like this when he wondered just how much Shizuo was truly aware of. Did the beast even know what cruel acts he committed? Most likely not, it was better that way anyway. As long as he just stayed that way he could handle it, though a bit less unpredictability would be to his liking too, oddly enough he would probably consider it a loss if it ever were to disappear, at least that way things were kept interesting. Like now, because the blonde couldn’t just stop a step away from him in this way too tiny bathroom, he had to take even more space by pretty much leaning right into his face. Trapping him with hands that were placed ever so gently on top of his own, too close to even look away as the remaining distance between their lips was closed for but a moment, and those soft lips were brushed against his own, slowly but surely causing all those walls to start crumbling. Like a predator hunting his prey, the beast just kept on pushing him to the point where he wanted to break those walls and just give in, leaving him in a state of utter confusion and yet the answers were crystal clear. “You thinking too much again, hm?”

His chin tilted up the raven’s expression softened before he had time to do something about it, knowing that they were too close for any secrets, too close for him to not have seen it. Just this one last time, he didn’t want to fight it, this beast that was caressing his cheek so gently, didn’t want this embrace that made him feel way too safe stop. “I know it’s a very confusing concept for you to understand bu-…!” 

The teasing remark cut off without a warning, the smaller male couldn’t help but let his eyes widen for a second as lips were pressed against his once more, only turning out to be a distraction from what was actually happening. Feeling the firm grip on the back of his thighs he managed to wrap his arms around the blonde’s neck just in time to not fall back when he got heaved off the ground, the kiss only breaking once he could look down into those soft honey-like eyes, a cheeky grin spread across the man’s face. “I love you, I know that’s very confusing for you, but I do. Now shut up, we’re going to sleep it’s like 2am.” 

A breathless chuckle leaving his lips Izaya leaned down until their foreheads touched, his famous smirk back on his lips as the beast carried him out of the room, carefully kicking the door shut behind them and turning the light off with his elbow, not willing to let go of him even for a second. Instead blindly walking to where he knew his bed was while their eyes would only see each other. “How dare…even though I’m, what was it, constantly doing shady business?” Playfully pecking the other’s lips the raven finally found himself willing to let his mind rest, breathing kisses down to the blonde’s neck, feeling how Shizuo’s grip tightened just the smallest bit.

“Even though you’re constantly doing shady business, flea. I. Love. You.” Fingers finding their way into raven hair he was pulled into a much more loving kiss than before as he slowly felt the sheets beneath him, with the beast now looking down at him. His own hands quickly reaching up to pull this man, he had claimed to hate for years, closer again, Izaya let the last few strings of his worries that kept restraining him snap and leaned up to give in to this feeling he craved so much, this desire, this wish to never let their lips part again. This emotion that was so foreign to him, knowing well that it was something he had faked for too long to be fooled by his worries. Just this one last time, he wanted to give in and acknowledge his reflection for what it was, he might never be able to show the secrets it hid to anyone, but he would try to stop those crimson orbs from looking so cruel all the time.

The soft smile that he had only recently found he possessed was decorating his face and with arms wrapped around him it was soon hidden at the other’s neck, warmth surrounding him it didn’t take long for his exhaustion to show again. Only this time he was safe, he didn’t have to admit anything, that’s what the raven decided in that very moment, even if it meant trusting the unpredictable beast Heiwajima Shizuo, he would rather trust a beast than the darkness that was creeping up inside him. Maybe there was some small part left inside him that was able to accept it as it was, that was able to believe when he was told someone loved him, truly loved him. That was the only part he was willing to trust anymore, he couldn’t risk losing this, losing Shizuo, because he was Orihara Izaya, well known for many things, openly showing his feelings and admitting his fears…was certainly not one of them. 

“I love you too, Shizuo…”

Steady breathing filling the room, a pair of crimson eyes fell shut as the raven finally felt sleep taking him over, his worries washed away and the warmth flowing through him again. Unaware of how much his partner truly saw and that it was more than enough for the blonde. As different as they were, by now he understood Izaya better than he ever imagined he would be able to, even without the raven spelling everything out for him.


End file.
